"Bake lurve to bee", I whispered throatily to Mr M this morning.
I was not, of course, urging him to engage in some bizarre culinary/sexual shenanigans (the painful climax doesn't bear thinking about!) with a stinging insect but instead trying to persuade him to DTD with his ill wife.
"You know you want...[cough] [splutter] [noseblow]...to!"
Well no,apparently he didn't. And who could blame him, for a pretty sight I am not- red-nosed, hoarse, reeking of Eau d'Olbas Oil and surrounded by used tissues.
I'm not too disappointed by the rejection though. In fact quite the opposite. In that rejection lies security in knowing that there will be other times for us to "bake lurve". If we don't do it today, we can tomorrow. And the day after and the day after. For that is a marriage.
Many couples embarking on their life together find the prospect of being with the same person 'forever' daunting. I am the opposite. I've never had a one night stand and to be honest the idea of being naked with a complete stranger is enough to bring me out in hives. Mr M and I were friends before we were lovers and I can't imagine it any other way. He already knew what made me tick mentally before we got physical and that was a huge turn on. We both knew from the first night that we were in it for the long haul and far from being oppressive I found this liberating-to have discovered the person who would spend a lifetime exploring me inside and out.
11 years on I can honestly say I've never had the urge to have a one night stand. The awkwardness alone would be enough to put me off. How do you know what they like? How would they know what you like? And-it bears repeating as frankly the idea is just so abhorrent to me- being naked in front of a stranger! Give me marriage any day, where your husband looks past your c-section scar to see the woman who he loves enough to create a new new life with. Give me a lifetime with the man who knows exactly what you want without you having to ask.
He doesn't get off that easily though. I have it on good authority (Cosmopolitan is a respected medical journal, right?) that orgasms are a cure for the common cold. Really, Google it. So sod tomorrow, I want rid of this cold now. And you did promise to love me in sickness and in health. Dot thad I'm bill. I feel find. Donest.